Slonik Dreams

Congratulations, to Obama and to all the supporters. What a beautiful race it has been. It's too early to celebrate total victory in this primary season. But this would be the good time to write proudly the number 2119 on your forehead, dance in the streets, hug strangers, buy rounds of drinks to fellow Obamaniacs at the local brewery and in general just accept that all sorts of teary and touching and happy and incredible emotions are pouring out of you right now and you should manifest them in the most public way possible. Because now is a time when millions of people very like yourself, very unlike yourself, and everybody in between, across the nation, are also feeling those emotions. This energy, and this happiness that I feel, this is what change, believing in change, and knowing what change means, is  all about. And if we all let these awesome emotions out, maybe this country will be a more happy place, even for a little while, until we get embarrassed about honking and screaming OBAAAMAAAAAAAAAAAA all the way home.

And, Clinton supporters, I also hope you will let it out. Your candidate is farther behind, and that is unlikely to change. But this disappointment, this sad moment that you feel as you are watching the numbers, this is change, too. Do you remember last primary season when Kerry won and that "okay" and "anything is better than Bush" moments? I do. Aren't you excited that this primary season there were TWO candidates who are intelligent, good people? And if you dare say to me that McCain is better than Obama but Hillary is better than McCain, then you did not hear Hillary's speech in which she stated how stupid it would be for her supporters to vote for McCain if Obama got the nomination. This race has been about Obama vs. Hillary, but it also has to be about a Democrat in the White House in 2009. If you are voting for McCain over Obama, then I really don't understand why you supported Hillary in the first place, since the two candidates share so much in common in policies and perspective.

Anyway, YAAAAY!!!

I hope someday, somewhere, somebody figures out how to smuggle a flying penis to a Bush speech. It would make my day.
In the meantime, this will do:

Russian politics

if you need help removing the GIGANTIC STICK UP YOUR BUTT, please let me know. I would really like to watch.

XOXO,
your fabulous friend

From the string of posts tagged "annoyances" and the fact that it stands out most prominently in my tag cloud, I think I am going to write a happy post. About cats.

I volunteer at a no-kill cat shelter called the "Cat Adoption Team." Is it the largest no-kill shelter in the Northwest and at a low houses and cares for about 250 cats; the number goes up to something astronomical, like 600, during kitten season (which is just beginning right now).
All of the cats are rescues - from death row at the Humane Societies in the region, from cat hoarders, from families that are no longer able to care for their cats, etc. The turnover rate is pretty high - the average length of stay is only 34 days, although there are some "long-timers" at the shelter that have been there for months.

I love cats and have always lived with cats. I don't have one now because 1. my boyfriend is allergic 2. we are renting and 3. we are not going to stay in this city forever and I'd rather have a stable household before I get a family pet. So, I started volunteering at the CAT shelter, mostly to help cats, but also to help myself. Cats make me a happier person. I am an "Adoptions Counselor" so my job is to match cats with people, and make sure the people are aware of their responsibilities. I chose CAT not only because it is a no-kill shelter, but also because I believe in their two fundamental no-contest policies: indoor-only homes and no declawing. We don't just give our cats to anybody. There is a training, and a couple of demonstrations - holding, carrier training, nail trimming etc. that people have to pass before they are allowed to take one of our precious cats home. There is also a follow-up period that I do with people that I do adoptions with, and a lifetime return policy - if the person that adopted a cat from CAT can no longer care for it, for any reason, we will always take the cat back.

So, CAT is my happy place, with all the wonderful cats and kittens. Currently I volunteer at an outreach, where I have 9 cats that I care for. They range from 3 months to 7 years, but are all have wonderful personalities and we all enjoy hanging out and playing. Happy time. Maybe I'll post some pictures after my volunteering this weekend.

Just thinking about all the crap that happened today makes me want to go throw rotten eggs at certain people. I thought the throwing-rotten-eggs craving wouldn't hit until Day 5 of Two Hell Weeks, but, alas, too much crap in one day.

It started with my wonderful neighbor starting the lawn mower at 7:30am. Well, I thought it was my neighbor, but then discovered it was a meth-addict-looking-man in his underwear. Not my neighbor. This character was driving a beat-up truck with a company name something like "Lavender Yard Work" and chain-smoking. And did I mention he was wearing his UNDERWEAR?

Anyway, so this GUY is mowing my neighbor's lawn at 7:30am. Interweb-less at my house, I am tempted to drive to work, print out the noise ordinance, and stick it on my neighbors door, because I am totally certain noise-less hours are at least until 9am. Totally frustrated about living in my middle-age cave, my boyfriend and I resort to standing in front of our house and glaring at the GUY very angrily. It doesn't work and he continues to mow the lawn that's the size of my car for the next half an hour (he probably gets paid per hour and not per lawn). My morning went to shit. I can't drink coffee when somebody is walking back and forth with a loud buzzing LAWNMOWER for half an hour. I didn't even take a shower. Sorry, office people.

At 8am, a woman who I assume can only be "Lavender" shows up and waves her hands at the GUY while also opening her mouth and making angry facial expressions. I would say that she was probably screaming her head off at the GUY, but I couldn't tell for sure because he didn't bother to turn the lawnmower off. DUDE.

Lavender left, lawnmower was shut off. I contemplated being late for work for the sake of a shower. Then the DUDE brings out a LEAF BLOWER. It's SPRING, DUDE! Where are these leaves?? You are polluting my air with your nasty old gas-sucker and blowing away invisible leaves?

The first thing I did when I got to work was to check the noise ordinance, and GET THIS, PEOPLE. Noise can start at 7am and you can't do shit about it. Even if the DUDE in your neighbor's yard is making noise in his underwear. That didn't make my day any better. I think the note I will be sticking on my neighbor's door will be something along the lines of "do this again and I will salt your lawn."

My neighborhood is all plush and friendly. All families, we are the only rental, everybody is very well-off and drives nice cars. Why the hell would you hire a sketchy underwear dude to mow your lawn? On TUESDAY? Isn't Saturday the Men-play-with-lawnmovers-and-powertools day? Could you PLEASE give me my mornings back? If there is no lawnmower, maybe in the mornings we could all enjoy the sound of birds and the amazing spring smell of everything blooming at once? And the breeze that comes through the window wouldn't smell like smoke and exhaust and underwear? And maybe our neighborhood is safer if you don't give legitimate reasons to meth sketchballs to enter it? And maybe I will be able to survive my TWO HELL WEEKS at work without a nervous breakdown. Okay?

Boss saunters in to work at 10:15am (we start at 8:30, did you know?). Chats with the admin downstairs. Then runs upstairs with the flower invoice I just submitted for his signature, all, "Why is this so expensive? Last year I checked and it was three hundred and thirty dollars less expensive. We need to get it down. I am not paying more than last year, that's ridiculous. Ask for 5% off. Do you have these at crash tables also? You should just cut them from the crash tables, we don't need them there." Suggestions for how I should decrease the invoice from last year continue for another five minutes. Thanks, dude. You're awesome. I'd love to tell you that 1. things tend to go up in price; that's called "inflation"; 2. there were a lot less flowers last year, because we had a lot less people coming and therefore less tables; and 3. you freak out over such petty shit that I just want to scream.

oh my god. the day just started.

List my email wrong on something important. Like a registration form. So when people have questions, they email somebody else (unfortunately, the 'wrong' email is owned by a mean, unhelpful person), don't get a reply, and then get pissed at me. 

"Do you know of any professors that are interested in bird-watching?"

Finally!

Some fun information for anybody out there who still thinks becoming a citizen is a piece of cake.

Time that it took from the time application was sent in until the day of the oath:
TEN MONTHS

Cost of application:
$595

Number of times I received an appointment letter telling me to be in a different city in three days or my application would be considered abandoned:
One

Did I fly to a different city to make that appointment:
Yes

Reason for having the appointment in the city where I did not live and work:
Whoops. You mean you're not living with your parents?

Number of hours ON THE PHONE I spent trying to change my address:
NINE

Number of the very important pieces of mail I received from immigration AFTER I changed my address:
Two

Number of days I missed work because of this process:
Five

Number of times I had to affirm in writing or orally that, yes, I will shoot a gun if you tell me to:
Five

Number of times I had to show that I know my rights:
One

Number of times I had to show that I know my responsibilities as citizen:
Gazillion hundred million

Sentence that I had to READ for my English Reading Comprehension test:
"They go so well together"

Sentence that I had to WRITE for my English Writing test:
"Today we went to the store"

[Whew! That was, like, first grade?]

What are the first thirteen states?
North Carolina, South Carolina, Connecticut, Delaware, Georgia, Maryland, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New York, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, Virginia.

Did they ask me about the first thirteen states?
No :(

Number of really really really bad videos we had to watch at the oath ceremony:
THREE
One was a slideshow of early immigrants with tears and hope and joy in their eyes, I think it was meant to "create a mood."
Second was an address from dear Mr. President who pronounced all the words correctly, but I was still too distracted by thinking about how much he reminds me of a clucking chicken.
Third one wins the prize for absurdity. It was a "music video" sung very badly and with truly awful lyrics "I am proud to be an American where at least I know I'm free." SERIOUSLY? This song is famous? I guess it can't be worse than the Ukrainian national anthem that starts with the words "Ukraine is not dead yet".

Number of times I almost cried or laughed because of the really bad videos:
Three

Number of new citizens taking the oath with me:
15

Number of God references made during the oath ceremony either there or in the videos:
Thirteen

How long did it take me to fill out my voter registration card after the ceremony?
Like, three seconds.