A story about a GUY and his LAWNMOWER

Just thinking about all the crap that happened today makes me want to go throw rotten eggs at certain people. I thought the throwing-rotten-eggs craving wouldn't hit until Day 5 of Two Hell Weeks, but, alas, too much crap in one day.

It started with my wonderful neighbor starting the lawn mower at 7:30am. Well, I thought it was my neighbor, but then discovered it was a meth-addict-looking-man in his underwear. Not my neighbor. This character was driving a beat-up truck with a company name something like "Lavender Yard Work" and chain-smoking. And did I mention he was wearing his UNDERWEAR?

Anyway, so this GUY is mowing my neighbor's lawn at 7:30am. Interweb-less at my house, I am tempted to drive to work, print out the noise ordinance, and stick it on my neighbors door, because I am totally certain noise-less hours are at least until 9am. Totally frustrated about living in my middle-age cave, my boyfriend and I resort to standing in front of our house and glaring at the GUY very angrily. It doesn't work and he continues to mow the lawn that's the size of my car for the next half an hour (he probably gets paid per hour and not per lawn). My morning went to shit. I can't drink coffee when somebody is walking back and forth with a loud buzzing LAWNMOWER for half an hour. I didn't even take a shower. Sorry, office people.

At 8am, a woman who I assume can only be "Lavender" shows up and waves her hands at the GUY while also opening her mouth and making angry facial expressions. I would say that she was probably screaming her head off at the GUY, but I couldn't tell for sure because he didn't bother to turn the lawnmower off. DUDE.

Lavender left, lawnmower was shut off. I contemplated being late for work for the sake of a shower. Then the DUDE brings out a LEAF BLOWER. It's SPRING, DUDE! Where are these leaves?? You are polluting my air with your nasty old gas-sucker and blowing away invisible leaves?

The first thing I did when I got to work was to check the noise ordinance, and GET THIS, PEOPLE. Noise can start at 7am and you can't do shit about it. Even if the DUDE in your neighbor's yard is making noise in his underwear. That didn't make my day any better. I think the note I will be sticking on my neighbor's door will be something along the lines of "do this again and I will salt your lawn."

My neighborhood is all plush and friendly. All families, we are the only rental, everybody is very well-off and drives nice cars. Why the hell would you hire a sketchy underwear dude to mow your lawn? On TUESDAY? Isn't Saturday the Men-play-with-lawnmovers-and-powertools day? Could you PLEASE give me my mornings back? If there is no lawnmower, maybe in the mornings we could all enjoy the sound of birds and the amazing spring smell of everything blooming at once? And the breeze that comes through the window wouldn't smell like smoke and exhaust and underwear? And maybe our neighborhood is safer if you don't give legitimate reasons to meth sketchballs to enter it? And maybe I will be able to survive my TWO HELL WEEKS at work without a nervous breakdown. Okay?