I have a problem asking God for help

nobody@vox.com(Slonik) — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 16:16:54 -0700

Big deal - I am becoming a citizen tomorrow morning!! I had my citizenship interview today, and after many "no, I am not a habitual drunkard," and "no, I have never solicited prostitution," and "no, I am in no way associated with the Communist Party in ANY COUNTRY," it looks like I passed!

To check my knowledge of English, I had to read "They go so well together" and write "Today we went to the store." I kept writing "store" as "crack house" but in the end the nice lady let me pass anyway.

The whole process is mildly absurd, from the very beginning. Lots of bureaucracy, of course. Lots of confusing directions and strangely-worded questions (Have you ever committed a crime for which you were not caught?)
In the interview, apart from asking you the same questions that are on the application to check if you have a "good character" and "values", I got asked the following:
How many stars are there on the flag?
What do the stars represent?
Who is the head of the executive branch?
Who is the current vice-president?
What is the most important right granted by the Constitution?
In which month do we vote for the president?

Weird, right? Especially the stars - do you think I would be a bad citizen if I didn't know the symbolism? To be honest, the US flag is much less interesting than many others. It's full of boring numbers. If you don't believe me that other flags are way more interesting, read about the Sri Lankan Flag or the South Korean one.

Anyway, so the final step in the naturalization process is taking the citizenship oath. It's sort of a big deal. I used to have a problem with the "I agree to bear arms on behalf of the Untied States" part and have let it go. Now I have serious issues with the fact that the oath ends with "so help me God." I think it's detrimental to rely on help from a non-existent being, don't you? But then, maybe, if I fail at any of my oath statements, I can say, God didn't help me? If one of our fundamental rights is the freedom of religion, that includes not being part of any religion, why am I, as a non-affiliated, non-religious person, required to acknowledge the existence of God? And please don't tell me about TRADITION. Not all traditions deserve to be respected.

Each word of the oath has to be said for it to be valid. In a room of 1,500 people taking the oath I may get away with mouthing something else, like "so help me Mom" or "so halp meowed cat" but there are only going to be 10 or so of us tomorrow (or so I hear).

Well, whatever. We all know I'll say the words.

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I have a problem asking God for help